Archive Page 2
Interlude
It’s 12:07 AM: I’m thinking too much again. I think it’s because I’m stuck in my room by myself with only a Genetics book and my notebook, with a roommate who’s chatting on the phone. I’m not in the mood for studying; I miss us…I miss you. Not sure what spurred this train of thought…perhaps it’s because when I didn’t want to go to the library or be in my room to study, I could always go to yours.
Ugnhhrnf. But…I’d still call today a success though, and that’s what makes me happy.
Filed under: Life | 1 Comment
It seems that I’ve taken up the habit of using song lyrics as my entry titles………fitting isn’t it? Maybe because I listen to songs that fit my mood :p
I actually feel good today. I feel normal. There’s still times where I lapse into a negative state of mind, but for the most part I find that I’m rediscovering exactly who I am without any strings or commitments attached. And the icing on the cake was when my students in my research class that I TA for acknowledged me and my help for their inquiry, which only made me feel appreciated 
I still find myself holding on to the future, but I only do so with a grain of salt. (Is that the right saying? Hah) You never forget your “first”; he’s the one you always compare others to. It’s hard to let go of so many years, so many days of being together, but my only choice right now is to move on. Aside from the Genetics test I still have to cram for, the Psychology statistics quiz I need to study for, the Psychology statistics paper I still have to write, and the Physics homework I still have to do, it was a good day. I have all of my wonderful and amazing friends for that — thank you for the multihour 3 AM phone calls, the advice, the reassuring messages, the page long emails…thank you for holding me up when I needed it the most.
Filed under: Life | 2 Comments
Tags: friends, personal woes
I’m tired, but I can’t sleep. I study, but I can’t concentrate. I’m hungry, but I can’t eat. I try and surround myself with people, but I still feel alone. There are days where I feel fine and others where I feel like crying until I have no tears left. I love all my friends for what they do for me, but I hate myself.
My life is full of ironies.
I’ve been attempting to turn all my negative energy into creative energy. Surprisingly, I’ve gotten results. (The fruits of my labor are currently on my “Currently” page 
) Things that I used to do but have forgotten about are slowly coming back to me, and I’m finding solace in them. The internet has always been a sort of haven for me; I’ve been meeting people since the sixth grade through mutual interests and a love for webdesign. I find that it’s easier to express myself online than it is to express myself in person when you’re making conversation with new people; you have the ability and the chance to think longer about the words you want to use or decide which piece of information you want to divulge about yourself. You have time to correct your mistakes because there is a monitor and several hundred miles between you and…it’s just easier.
Am I this awkward in real life? Ha. And for those of you who might be worrying that these “people” are actually in fact sexual online predators, everyone I’ve met and held friendships with are young, smart, ambitious, and talented people. It’s amazing the vast multitude of people that are on the internet and how fast you can come to admire them.
I’m coping. I’m attempting to heal. It’s a long process. If anything, I can use this for my “overcoming an obstacle” answer during med school interviews. (Ha! A joke!)
Filed under: Life | 1 Comment
Tags: personal woes
Down towards the healing
There are many defining moments in your life that arise from various circumstances. A strong person would be able to turn that moment into some kind of metaphorical strength to change, to adjust, to learn from that moment; unfortunately for me, I am not. I consider myself weak because instead of changing, I dwell on the negative. I dwell on things that would only make me feel worse. I contemplate what I could have done better but do nothing to change it. I wish for strength but receive none because I can’t force myself to change my weaknesses.
This week has been the biggest emotional rollercoaster of my life. No one really knows what happened; those who might have an inkling are too afraid to ask. On top of that, my mom texted me earlier tonight after my organic chemistry test informing me that she was taking my dad to the doctor’s because he’s been really sick — urinating blood, feeling pain in the abdomen, feeling extremely unwell. Things have been piling up on me, and I feel as if I were Atlas with the weight of world on my shoulders, unable to move because any wrong step could shatter what confidence I do have. And when I see that yet another undeserving person from high school has died, I feel as if we’re all helpless to stop whatever happens. Why do we even try?
Excuse my extremely emo and somewhat cryptic entry. I haven’t been feeling well, and I feel as if I’m being pulled in a million different directions with an anchor attached to my leg. My usual crutch isn’t here, and when I get to feeling like this I find writing is somewhat therapeutic.
Filed under: Life | 3 Comments
Tags: cryptic entries
What better way to waste time than go to the library when you’re supposed to be studying for a Genetics quiz you have to do well in but start writing in your blog? I might actually go back to my room and watch what I can of the VP debates because I want to see Palin embarrass herself (again). The woman can’t name a Supreme Court case other than Roe v. Wade (the decision of which she states that she disagrees with), and then she contradicts herself when she says that every American citizen deserves the right to privacy. Seriously, Sarah Palin, seriously?
This semester has been a serious doozy. I’m gradually learning how to balance every thing, but I still manage to study last minute. Like now. I actually go to the library though, so I think I’ve become a more efficient studier….just not perhaps in this case because I’m seriously distracted by my laptop. My favorite professor this semester is definitely my Psychology prof — Dr. Carroll. He’s basically just a seriously excentric version of Mr. Thornberg, and he actually is aware of what’s going on most of the time. He mumbles like Thornberg and says random statements like Thornberg though. It’s an entertaining class, which makes up for the APA style research papers basically due every week 
Muuuust learn how to manage better though, because my classes only get worse. I managed to start planning my schedule for the spring yesterday when course schedules came out and it currently looks like this. Yum. Definitely not final since I’m still trying to figure out if I should take Cell or Molecular Bio amongst other things.
Other things worth mentioning:
- As an undergraduate TA for a class, I sometimes help out with grading. Most recently, students in the class turned in a lab report describing an experiment they designed and implemented. I’ve learned that the majority of the students have really bad grammar and don’t know how to label figures, tables, and graphs. Like forreal forreal. My hand hurts from writing “Label figures!” a bagazillion times.
- I finally got a new iPod! I’ve been without one for almost 2 years, and got the sleek new 120 GB classic that I’ve lovingly dubbed “Darth Vader” (cause it’s black, get it??). If I had more money, I would’ve gotten the 16 or 32 Touch, but I figure 120 GB > 16 GB…even if the Touch does have WiFi :/
- I have an interview with the Associate Dean of the College of Natural Sciences, who also happens to be the Faculty Director of JAMP. Applicants for the program basically set up an interview time with his secretary once their applications are finished, and he basically grills you with questions so he has something positive (or negative) to write about you in the letter. People have cried from this interview…..and I still need to find an articulate and unique way of answering “Tell me about yourself” and “Why medicine?” WAH.
Okay study time!
Filed under: Life | 3 Comments
Tags: election 2008, ipod, jamp, school
